This blog post is my LMWP tribute to the quotes and to the quoted.
We have spent quite a bit of time with quotes these past three weeks. We’ve read quotes on screens in demonstration lessons, some quotes we wrote down. We have exchanged them like a tangible currency for ideas. We have attached ourselves to them, nodded heads in agreement and we have stood in awe at the sight of them. We have uttered them and remembered them. We have been inspired by them. We have discerned, debated and voted on them. Here’s one I have not yet shared.
It’s going to get ugly before it gets better.
I attribute this quote to a teacher in Elk Rapids, Michigan. She said it and it crept quietly into my brain and stayed there. I can’t say if she made it up, or if she heard it somewhere else. It’s probably been said before. It had staying power for me. I like it.
To me it says, there are no short cuts in life – for anyone. There are no easy ways to reach worthy goals. Whether personal — as in relationships — or professional — as in career advancement opportunities – I believe this quote shows us that if one is to find fulfillment from something deeply understood, cared for, earned, and/or cherished then, there is going to be, at some points along the way, an accompanied struggle. And further, we ought recognize that it may be down right ugly for a time – but that, because of the struggle, it will get better. (P.S. I put all those commas in on purpose whether they all technically belong or not.) The quote is, to me, one that signifies a positive outlook, tempered with a truth about the human condition.
I think it’s helpful to realize that difficult moments will continue to emerge as new insights are gained and deeper layers of meaning are uncovered. This quote says to me that there no effort-less ways to a satisfying relationship, to excellent craftsmanship, stunningly beautiful artistry or morally sound professionalism. There is no way to avoid pain, to ignore conflict, to eschew difficult tasks if you truly want to move forward in life.
As found in The Bear Hunt, and I quote, “Can’t go under it. Can’t go over it. Can’t go around it. Got to go through it.” —- I know, it’ a children’s picture book reference again. I’m sure you secondary folks can add something more literaryily significant…maybe by Steinbeck or O’Conner, or Hemingway, or Faulkner —-
To be clear: Some may say that this person or that person “has it easy.” Or they might say, that person was “born into wealth and privilege and didn’t have to struggle.” I have heard the saying “He lives a charmed life.” And I have heard others say, “She has it all, beauty, intelligence, talent.” It’s as if those people have something, some magic potent in their life that we don’t have – that somehow they have an easier path.
This is all possibly true. Some people do have access to more tangible (and perhaps more valuable) resources than do others. Some children are born into privileged homes and powerful families. Others are born with physical characteristics and traits that are valued and they have access to more life choices than others. I think it’s important to remember that these types of comments are general statements offered from the outside looking in on another.
I think such comments made from the outside looking in reveals more about the individual making the comment than they do about the one being described. I say this because I’ve noticed that as humans, in our assessment of others, we tend to need the feeling that our struggle is greater, our lot harder, our effort more sincere than the person right next to us. Even the rich play this game.
Let me say that my attachment to this quote and the meaning I make from it is different than that line of thinking. When I say “I like this quote” I am not thinking about circumstantial conditions or the attainment of external rewards and recognitions. I am thinking about the internal life of the mind, our emotional lives, our soulful lives, and the way we engage in (or don’t) the daily practice of happiness.
I believe that his quote can guide people who are trying to live a life of full immersion into the richness and variety of human existence and experience. It means we can expect and, indeed, ought to welcome the gift of struggle, that is, the gift of difficulties to work through, to learn from, to grow by. I once heard it said that the measure of a life has little to do with whether or not a person avoided hard times, but how the fact of hard times were handled. In other words, part of the human condition includes suffering. Recognizing the universality of suffering can help us move beyond our own struggles – give us the motivation to engage. Then we are free to think about new ways to frame what we are having trouble with, a different way to name it, what we want to do with it to move us forward. This is what defines us. My friend Mary says, “Nothing without joy.” She even brings joy into her suffering. When this happens, suffering takes on a whole new light.
Like everything else that stems from the mind, in the end, it’s a personal choice. If one is not ready for the challenge, one is not emotionally prepared for the wrangling of conflict, they can choose another direction. On can trick oneself into the belief that everything is good, that there is a way around their struggle or that the ugliness is the fault of someone or something external.
Anyone at anytime can say: “This _____________________________________fill in the blank, is not worth the struggle, the pain, the effort..” And, sometimes that’s the best choice one can make. But, it is a choice. And, regarding this option, a note of caution is buried inside the quote. “It’s going to get ugly BEFORE it get’s better.” This means, it won’t really GET better – ever — if you don’t go through the struggle. This is because the same challenges will surface again when the individual “breaking point” is reached. Everyone has their own point at which they decide “this thing I am working toward, is not worth the struggle.” They change directions and, that struggle will likely resurface in a new costume.
Remember – It’s going to get ugly before it gets better. And… life IS like a bear hunt — Can’t go under it. Can’t go over it. Can’t go around it. Got to go through it.”